Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk
noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit
card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction
unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it
was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the
signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card
in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I
signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
At a grocery store in San Jose, they have new credit card/bank card
readers at the checkout stands. If you don't know how to orient your
card to swipe it through the reader, the checkout person will say,
"Strip down, face toward me."
A customer at a sub shop ordered "a small soda." The owner
responded, "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have small, just medium and large." (Both
cost 99 cents.) The kicker came when the customer, a rather well-dressed business
type, disappointedly said, "Okay, I guess I'll just have to have the
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I
described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss
said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it
was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety
Handbook for Employees." "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the
Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted
them to cross there.
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office
of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have
problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of
the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys
have a fire downtown?"
I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that
the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner
became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the
amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless
to say, she was very disappointed.
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked
the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he
was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit
her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which
she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as
I am, that's how I always remember."So someone else (okay, it was me)
said, "That's neat_ So every year that you age, she only ages half a
year?" My co-worker thought about that, and
then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years."