Who Needs a White Christmas?
It started snowing; the first of the season and the wife and I
prepared some wonderful cocktails and sat by the window
watching the beautiful soft flakes float placidly down all over the
scene before us. What a lovely sight to behold!
We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering
the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub was
covered by a beautiful mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in
years and loved it. So Exhilarating ! I shoveled both the driveway
and the sidewalks. Later a snow plow came by and covered our
sidewalks and part of the drive, so I shoveled it once again.
The sun has melted all of our lovely snow. Oh well, I am sure we
will get some more before this lovely winter is through.
It snowed 10 inches last night and the temperature dropped to 20
below zero. I went outside and shoveled the driveway and sidewalks.
The snow plow came through and did it's trick again.
It snowed another 8 inches last night. I went out once again to
shovel. The plow came by again and you guessed it! So I shoveled
again. Pondering the thought of selling the station wagon and getting
Well it's still snowing. It snowed another 6 inches last night. I
sold the station wagon today and bought a 4x4 blazer so I now can
drive in the snow. Bought snow tires for the wife's car.
It stopped snowing, now we have freezing rain. Went outside and fell
on my ass on the driveway. Luckily, all I hurt were my feelings.
Stopped raining, the temperature is 28 below zero, and it is
starting to snow again.
Still colder than a well digger's ass (22 below in the a.m.) and
the icy roads make for very white-knuckled driving.
We had another 14 inches of the white shit last night. More shoveling
in store for me today. The God damn snow plow came by twice today.
We will be assured of a white Christmas because 13 more inches of
that crap fell today and with the freezing weather it probably won't
melt until August. I got all dressed up to go out and shovel (boots,
long johns, snowmobile suit, scarf, earmuffs, hat, goggles, and
gloves), then I got a wicked urge to piss.
I was going to go ice-fishing today but the worms froze and
I didn't want the fish to break their teeth on my fuckin' bait.
If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the damn snow plow,
I'll drag him bare assed through the snow by his balls. I think the
bastard hides around the corner and waits until I'm finished
shoveling and then comes down the street at 100 miles per hour, just
to see how far he can throw that white shit back on to my lawn and
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Ho Ho fuckin' Ho! The weather man predicts 20
more inches of this white bullshit. I wonder if they know just how
many shovels full of this white shit 20 inches really is?
ASSHOLES!!! Fuck Santa, He doesn't have to bust his balls shovelling
this shit. He has his elves do it for him. The snow plow driver came
by today and asked for a donation for toys for tots. I wrapped him
so fuckin' hard upside his head with my snow shovel... it'll be
Christmas in July before the son-of-a-bitch remembers his name.
Guess who in hell got 28 inches of snow last night? I think that I'm
going blind or getting severe cabin fever because the wife is
starting to look really fine to me!
It silly ass toilet froze last night. If you go outside don't eat
the yellow or brown snow...
It was so cold last night all the water pipes froze. I should
probably sell tickets so my neighbors can ice skate in my
living room. Damn it! This sucks.
I set fire to the house today; now let's see that white shit clings
to my roof!!!