The New York Times reports that dozens of rural Americans are killed
each year after they drink too much, lie down in the middle of the
highway, and get run over...
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40, and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police department
that contained another picture...of handcuffs.
Unknown thieves in Belleview, Florida backed a truck through the
glass storefront of a Walgreens drug store, tied a chain around the
automated teller machine loaded with cash, and dragged it loose.
Police said the robbers got away with nothing, because they couldn't
lift the ATM into the truck.
A man in California recently visited the home of a friend who
happened to be a snake collector. While he was there, he stuck his
hand into a cage containing a cobra and was bitten. Despite protests
from his friend, the man refused to go to the hospital for medical
help, declaring that he was a man and was tough enough to take it.
After leaving his friend's place, he stopped at a bar for a couple of
drinks. While at the bar, he bragged that he had just been bitten by a
cobra, but wasn't worried because he was a man and he could take it. An
hour later, he dropped dead.
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
"intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance
package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence...
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing
beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up...
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The
kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension
under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs!
Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him
"jump higher." ?And a student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended
for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal
Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to
be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy...
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that
destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's
newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse
than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke
in and stole my new security system..."
A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46
teaspoons, 2 cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs.
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the
money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a
police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead
and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find
his brain,which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked
to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull
with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try
and find the missing brain.
More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly
enough to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight to Mars.
According to the Italian police, the would-be space travelers were
told to spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of
ruined temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis
to oasis and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious
canals and marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available."
Authorities believe that the con men running this scam made off with
over six million dollars...
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his
college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many
business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field,
all this may not have happened..."
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup.
When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words,
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's
not what I said!"
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack
designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms.
The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as
he was running out the door.
"He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike
Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants." Police
have the man's charred trousers in custody...
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold
up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his
hand in his pocket. Hmmm...wonder what he uses for a knife?